Learning Lessons: A Losing His Wife Novel Read online

  “We kind of looked at each other for a minute. It was weird and uncomfortable, really. He got nervous, like, maybe he realized he just had sex with another man’s wife. A man he’d met.”

  “Something tells me he doesn’t care about that, ah...” one of her fingers danced across his hole.

  “Maybe not, but it got strange. He pulled it out of me and that was a really funny feeling. Like I felt empty or something. Then I watched him zip it up and he said he should get going. I wanted more but it was...it felt wrong all of a sudden. Then he left. And I watched him go to his bike and I drove around for a while. Then I came home.”

  Jess was quiet for a while, flicking her wrist on him, her thumb on the underside of his little cock, three fingers along the back, hidden in his pubic hair. “Don’t you think it’s so unfair? I mean, you were born with this tiny little penis and there’s another man out there who can drive a woman crazy with something two, maybe three—maybe four times what you’ve got. Wouldn’t it make sense if everyone was kind of the same? When you see the ends of the spectrum, that’s when you really see the difference in sizes. You’re at the smallest end, so, so tiny, then he’s got this big, fat beautiful thing, you just can’t keep your hands off it.”

  “It is so unfair. I can’t even please my beautiful wife.”

  “That’s all right, we’ve got someone who can now.”

  “Are you going to fuck him again?”

  “I can’t wait to. You’re not going to try and stop me are you?” Her hand was on him, she had complete control. He looked at his beautiful but now very dirty wife. She had an innocent face. So pretty, with fine features and a long beautiful neck. Her eyes were big and expressive, the lightest crystal blue—when she talked people were rapt, lost in her gaze. She was so kind and so warm—no one who knew them would ever imagine she would go out on a date with another man, fuck him in their minivan, then humiliate her husband with some of the dirtiest talk you could imagine while she stroked his small cock. She could get away with anything with that sweet face.

  “I want you to get what you want.”

  “I’m serious. I wanted to go again right away, but the whole thing felt so odd when he came. He buttoned himself up and got out of there. I would have gone all night with him and that big, thick penis.”

  “He got what he wanted.”

  “He doesn’t know what I want. Not like you do,” she whispered in his ear, her fingertips gliding over his sensitive tip.

  “Oh God, Jess, I wish I had what he had.”

  “I do too. It’s all right now. I think we’ve found someone who’ll play along with us. And I want to go back to that well every time I get thirsty.”

  “Will you let me watch you next time?”

  “I might. I’ll ask him. If he doesn’t like it you’ll just have to sit at home alone again and think about me with him. Think about me crying out when he forces that big club into me. Think about how he’s making me come, over and over again.” She was watching him, her face so close to his, watching him tremble on the verge of a monstrous orgasm. She was toying with him, building up something that was going to make him crazy.

  “I really want to watch you next time.”

  “You know what I want?” she said, “I want to give him a handjob while you watch. Is that weird? I don’t know why. I’d just love to have you watch my hand struggle around that big thing. I want to make it last too, a nice, long handjob, and I want you to watch me make him come. I want you to see what I can do to him.” She was gasping as she whispered into his ear, he could tell she was turning herself on as she spoke.

  “God, Jess, you’re making me crazy,” he said, and he stopped her hand. He was so close and he didn’t want to do it like this, sitting on the couch with her hand stroking him under a blanket. He needed her, needed to be inside her. “Please, Jess, I’ve got to be inside you.”

  “Don’t you think I should clean up first?” she said.

  “No, I can’t wait, Jess, please...”

  “You want to fuck my dirty little hole?” She frowned at him, pretending to be disgusted by him. His heart stopped when she used those awful words; couldn’t believe they were coming out of his pleasant, mild-mannered wife. She was the Third Grade Teacher of the Year, three years in a row now.

  “Please, Jess...”

  She was already lifting her skirt, though, slowly, seductively. He watched it rise up her tan, oily legs. She stopped at her thighs, making him beg. Then quickly revealed it. She wasn’t wearing any panties. She was shaved bare specially for her date and her lips were plumped out from her, still dark and engorged, still looking damp and used.

  She whispered to him, “I’m a little sore but I don’t think you’ll hurt me.”

  He couldn’t take it. He put himself over her, his throbbing cock headed between her legs. He brought the blanket with him, throwing it over his shoulders like a cape.

  “Wait, Petey, no, no,” she said and she put her hands on his chest to stop him, keep him at bay.

  “Come on, Jess.”

  “No, not down here, Pete. We have to go upstairs—the boys...”

  “Yeah, yeah,” he said, hoping he’d make it up there. He was on the edge, so very close.

  “Are you sure Jess? They won’t come down, honey,” he said, trying desperately to convince her. But she was already moving, getting herself out from under him, sliding along the couch.

  “I’m sure, Petey,” she said. She got up and headed for the stairs and as she went she slowly lifted her skirt for him and he watched the tops of her thighs revealed slowly, then the tight jiggle of her cheeks as she strutted through the arch and headed for the stairs. He followed and she let him watch her rump move and work as she sashayed up the stairs.

  When they got in the bedroom, she locked the door behind them, jiggled it to make sure it had taken. He went to put his arms around her, wanted to take her down right there at the door and finish this on the floor with his pants around his ankles and her skirt hiked up.

  “Get a condom,” she reminded him. Shit. He went to the night table and yanked the drawer while he watched her. She didn’t take her clothes off, she lay on the bed, feet still on the floor, and pulled her skirt up at the front and he could see the sheen on her shaved mound in the lamp light.

  “Hurry up and get this over with,” she said, teasing him, “I’m exhausted and I want to go to bed.”

  His hands were shaking with anticipation ripping the foil open on his condom packet. He pulled it down his shaft while he rushed to get himself between her legs. She watched him and she was grinning.

  “Can’t believe you’re going to waste my time tonight with that tiny thing after I told you I just took a real man...”

  “Oh, J-Jess,” he stuttered, barely able to think he was so out of his mind with lust. He slid himself inside her. Maybe he imagined it, but she felt stretched, like he made no impact on her insides, and he slid all the way up inside her with no friction. But it wasn’t like he would normally spread her apart...

  Jess felt her husband enter her. His penis wasn’t terribly big. He was the smallest she’d been with, but she felt it and it worked too. His little penis had delivered two of the greatest things in her life. It had given Jess her little boys—her Andy and her Pete Jr.

  It was Pete who was the first one to mention his size. The first one to bring up the elephant in the room. She’d always known it was small but she loved him. Maybe a few times she had thought to herself that she wished he was a bit bigger. Not huge or anything, just maybe average.

  He’d brought it up to her while he was inside her one night. She was horny and turned on and he asked her if he was too small. He kept making love to her, sliding it in and out of her. She told him he was fine. Pete turned it into dirty talk. He told her to be honest and he was working her, teasing her. She felt almost drunk with ecstasy that night. He’d gone down on her and he was so very good at that. He had her primed. Then he was inside her urging her to say dirty t
hings about his size. She felt safe. So she told him the truth. The truth didn’t hurt him. He liked it. She found too, that she liked to say it to him. She liked to tell him dirty things if he wanted to hear them.

  She told him he was the smallest and that was true. She told him he was unsatisfying which could also at times be true. He asked her about her other boyfriends. That was odd at first, difficult to think about let alone talk about. They weren’t just disembodied penises to her, they were real men that had been in her life and for the time she was with them they meant so much to her. Some of the breakups were not so fun.

  But it brought her back to Brad Evans. While her breakup with him broke her heart he was truly a standout in the sack. She remembered her times with him quite fondly. Naughtily, maybe. The first time she’d been with him she pulled his penis out of his underwear and she laughed. It was the biggest one she’d seen. She was only twenty at the time but she’d seen a few. She loved that thing he had, but she also loved him and that was a big part of their lovemaking. Still, he was big and he also knew how to use it. So she told Petey all about him, his penis and what he would do to her with it and how much she loved it. She couldn’t believe how much it turned her on to relive those stories, to tell Pete about them; and how strangely enjoyable she found humiliating Pete was.

  Pete was pumping himself into her urgently now. Her story had him on edge and she knew he wouldn’t last a minute. “I wish I had saved his used condom, Petey, we could slip it over your little penis and show you how it would slide right off you.”

  “Oh, ah, Jess...”

  “Petey, I can’t stop thinking about how good Tyler felt—how big he was...”

  She didn’t really care about size—not all the time at least. Not enough that she wouldn’t have married Pete. A big one was nice when you got it—but a little one wasn’t the end of the world. There was something about humiliating Pete though, that really turned her on. She hated that it did. She was a good woman. A good wife. People respected her. If anyone were ever to hear the awful things she said to her husband they would be mortified. She would be mortified. She could never show her face again, it would be so humiliating. She got a tickle from saying the absolute worst things she could think of. Things that should hurt him.

  She rubbed Pete’s back, whispered in his ear, “Hurry up and fill that little snug-fit condom, Petey—”

  “Oh, God, Jess...”

  “Petey baby, do you know how small you feel? You feel like Tyler’s finger...”

  “I’m going to come, Jess.”

  “Come on, Petey, Tyler wore me out, I just want to go to sleep.”

  He shuddered as he came, drove himself into her again and again as deep as he could get it. His face contorted but he was silent. He finally buried his little thing into her, held it, and she could feel it pulsing inside her. She knew she had really done it for him, had really sent him over the top. His body was racked with sobbing breaths then he collapsed over her, held himself up on elbows so he wouldn’t crush her.

  About a year ago he said he wanted her to be with other men. She wasn’t incredulous at the outrageous suggestion. It seemed like the logical next step. It was crazy but in a strange way it wasn’t that crazy. She never imagined she would ever be able to do it. Pete told her he fantasized about watching her with another man—one who could really give it to her. She’d said, No. Eventually though she let that idea leak into her subconscious and then gradually it became part of their lovemaking. Dirty talk about the things another man would do with her.

  Thinking about it, while she was with Pete or maybe alone at night with her fingers between her legs, became an exciting proposition. The thought of being seduced by another man, or seducing one on her own became a solicitous distraction. One she looked forward to fantasizing about but not something she believed they would ever make happen. But she made up rules any way. Things that Pete would have to concede if she were ever to do it. That was just part of the fantasy too. But every time she made a rule, or came up with a man she’d like to sleep with, the whole thing became more and more real.

  “Oh, Jess, baby,” Pete said into her neck. He was hot and sweaty and he was still huffing. “You’re so incredible.”

  2

  The Minivan

  Friday, August 12th

  Jess got up around six, but she’d been lying awake since around four-thirty. Mostly she’d been staring at the ceiling, and she might have drifted off again in that time, but she was up now doing her morning routine and she was exhausted already.

  Little Andy was so sleepy this morning. When she’d gone in to wake the two of them it was like he’d been hit with a tranquilizer. She lifted him up and cradled him like a baby, laughing at him as his head lolled around on his shoulders; his sleepy eyes couldn’t even open. She kissed him awake and Petey stood next to her laughing at his younger brother. She stroked his long, silky hair as he came aware, giggling as he tried to look around and remember where he was. Your bedroom, kiddo, just like every morning, she whispered to him.

  She reminded him that they were going out today, going to go and do something fun with her friend Sara Bridge and her four year old. That got them moving and as they came down for breakfast Andy was so excited now when he jumped on to the chair in the kitchen he overshot it and slipped off the other side. It looked so funny she had to cover her mouth so he wouldn’t hear her laugh. He got up and acted like nothing had happened and he tried again, got himself up and she ruffled his hair as she passed.

  She made them a real breakfast this morning. Made pancakes and bacon and some scrambled eggs. Pete was moving around upstairs and she heard the squeak of the taps as he got the shower turned on up in the master bathroom.

  Sargent was at her knee, a persistent wet nose pressure against her as he subtly urged her to speed up the feeding process. She went into the laundry room and hoisted his heavy bag of dog food out of the bin and scooped out two cups into his metal bowl. He was on a new food, a special gastrointestinal recipe. It was expensive but she got the feeling it wasn’t a very good food. She didn’t like the ingredient list but their Vet insisted that they use this food to help with his problems. It cost a lot and it wasn’t working. She’d already cleaned up one big sloppy pile this morning that she found when she came down. Almost stepped in it too.

  Back in the kitchen she leaned on the counter and watched her boys, waiting for Pete to come down. She’d be back to work in three weeks, back to school facing a whole new classroom and she couldn’t wait. She had all new lesson plans put together, new activities she’d discovered online. She’d filled up a whole Pinterest board with ideas for time structuring that she was going to implement.

  For now she was very happy to be in her kitchen in her short PJs and her robe and slippers. Nursing a coffee and watching her baby boys pal around and eat their home cooked breakfast.

  “Yeah, Cedar Point, Mom!” Andy’s eyes were wide, both hands on his plastic sippy cup with the curly straw. It was Petey’s ploy: get Andy excited about Cedar Point to put more pressure on old mom.

  “Petey,” she said, chastising him and rolling her eyes. “You know we’re not going to Cedar Point.” They’d already gone twice this summer and a day there cost an arm and a leg. Pete Jr. was just trying to ramp his brother up, trying to get the excitement to snowball and hopefully Jess would be powerless against them.

  “We’re going to go to the zoo,” she said to them looking out over the tops of her black framed glasses. The zoo was about a fifth of the price and then she and Sara could get a little peace and quiet, walk and talk behind the boys.

  “Yeah, okay, Mom,” Petey said, happy still, but not as happy as he would be if they were going to an amusement park.

  Pete’s feet were beating down the stairs and she felt a little nervous to see him this morning. She sucked her lips into her mouth in anticipation. He stepped in to the kitchen and he slowed as he saw her, a smile creeping across his face as he came and stood on the other side of
the island across from her.

  He was handsome still, looking good in his suit. He was losing his hair and a bit of his jawline as he got older but she could see old Pete in there.

  “Good morning,” he said, and she had to look away she was so embarrassed. She got the courage, braced herself, and turned back to him, held him with her gaze and watched him melt. She knew what she did to him, she knew the power she had over him. She watched him blush, then he was the one so embarrassed he had to look away. He turned and sat at the table with the boys.

  “So, you boys are going to the zoo today are you?”

  The amusement park was forgotten and they were both excited now, telling their dad about all the things they wanted to see today. Jess brought Pete’s breakfast over to him, put it down on the placemat and rested her hands on his shoulders while he listened to the boys. She pressed her lips to his growing bald spot and kissed his scalp. He put his hand over hers.

  Pete ate a strip of bacon and he sighed, said, “Ah, you’re amazing, Jess.” He squeezed her hand.

  “Pancakes are my favourite,” Petey said, and he swooshed a forkful through a pool of Aunt Jemima. He was so active this morning, eating while sitting, then standing, then sitting on one leg. He was going to be a handful today.

  “Guilt pancakes. They’re my favourite too, Petey.”

  “What are gill pancakes?”

  “It’s just the way your mom makes them, Petey,” he said.

  Jess rubbed his neck and walked back to her coffee sitting on the island. She sipped at it, feeling really so good this morning. A little tired but there was an inner calm. Like she’d been on rough waters and woke up to a placid sea and tranquil sky. She watched Pete with the boys. Her heart swelled watching her men. The kitchen was warm and sunny. Sargent had a ball in his mouth and Andy handed him a piece of pancake and he dropped the ball and snatched it from him. Future sloppy poop but she didn’t care. She wished they could all stay like this in the kitchen for another hour.